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2008-04-25 | |
Victorâ€™s story is part of my story, and so are the stories of all the people I ever met and walked side by side in my short life.
In order to know me you have to know them and since this is the point of this journal in 13 episodes I thought I should start with Victorâ€™s story. Because he was my best friend and companion for a long time...and it felt like it would last forever...this friendship.
I met him the first time I went away from home and from Gepetto. Some would think that I, in a way, replaced Gepetto with someone else...and this is why I cared so much for Victor but I guess that there is much more to our story than that.
I met him soon after Gepetto sent me away to school. Imagine me, a silly looking wooden boy in a place full of strangers looking at me as if I was a creature from another planet.
Alone for the first time in my life...no one to talk to.
Victor approached me perhaps, driven by his curiosity. Maybe I seemed helpless or just lonely to him. I never asked him why did he do it and now, so much time has gone by that I do not even think he remembers his reasonsâ€¦if there were anyâ€¦
We became best friends soon. He knew how to listen and he just knew so many things I didnâ€™t ever know existedâ€¦ I looked up to him as if he were my big brother.
He was one of the few people that never seemed to see the puppet in me but the little boy I wanted to be. He never doubted me, not even when I did it and, part of the person writing these lines was influenced and, discovered by Victor.
I walked shoulder to shoulder with Victor for a few years and it all feltâ€¦naturalâ€¦As if I had found a big brother and families are meant to be for ever arenâ€™t they?
I never had the feeling that I was walking on someone elseâ€™s roadâ€¦because it felt mine and I felt human, and lovedâ€¦and understood.
I never even notice when Victor started to loose the rhythm, to act differently than I expected or was used to.
Only too late did I ask what was happening to him. He answered in a bitter voice that he was changingâ€¦.and this is something natural to humansâ€¦
Humans, it was the first time I was reminded of the difference between us..
Him human...me wood. That hurt pretty bad but I continued asking and trying to understand which were the causes of that change.
He could not explain it, and I saw that in the movement of his shoulders and in his eyes.
We stood silent side by side for a while and then he told me he was sorryâ€¦
I smiled because I never understood this conceptâ€¦at least between good friends. A friend does not need words or regrets expressed with too many wordsâ€¦
- Sorry for what?
- For not being able to be your friend any more...Itâ€™s justâ€¦too much for me. I do not know who I amâ€¦and who I want to beâ€¦.I know I have to do things I do not want to do and I cannot do any more things I used to loveâ€¦
Itâ€™s as if I wereâ€¦sickâ€¦and by keeping close to you I would contaminate youâ€¦with myâ€¦.life.
-But, you are my best friendâ€¦What would I be without you but a stranded wooden puppet?
- Donâ€™t say thatâ€¦You are so much more than what you see in the mirror. You are more alive than I or everyone I know will ever be. You are a puppet, but a living one. You know what you are and what you want to be. You just have to figure out a way of reaching your dream and you will.
You donâ€™t need me anymore. You never really needed me but it was nice sharing these years..
You are and will always be my best friend...in spite of the years and miles separating us.
- - Are you leaving? Why donâ€™t you let me help you?
- - I have to leave. You see, Iâ€™ve met this girlâ€¦she loves me..
- - Do you love her?
- - I guess I do, but then againâ€¦what is love? She is beautifulâ€¦
- - I really want you to be happy and to be loved, for what you are.
- Happy? There is no such thing as happiness Pinochio, at least not for me. Some days I just wish I was an idiot not realizing anythingâ€¦living like a vegetable, no decisions, no painâ€¦only simple thingsâ€¦
His words shocked me. The smartest person I ever knew wanting to be nothing more thanâ€¦.. a plant.
What had happened to my best friend? And when did it happen?
I was just staying there looking at him. A boy with an amazing ability of becoming whatever he wanted, with no other boundaries but those set by his own mind. The boy I admired the most, my best friend wanted to give all up for what? For the comfort of...idiocy, of not having to make painful decisions, of not having to let go to things belonging to the past or not having to head for the unknown.
A coward. One of the many humans ignoring their abilities and potentialâ€¦Taking for granted all the things that others strive or die for everyday.. Intelligence, talent, healthâ€¦
A human denying his humanity because he didnâ€™t know any better.
And all that after seeing my struggle and desire of becoming human. My fight with myself and the boundaries set by my wooden body.
My so called friendâ€¦turned over night into everything he hated.
Changed, as he said, as if that should have explained his desertionâ€¦in front of life and all its aspects, good or bad..
I let him go with the feeling I was not losing anything. Because I wasnâ€™t losing a friend. Maybe the Victor I knew never existed other than in my mind and my desire for companionship.
I was feeling sorry for a stranger that had nothing but his misery while I had everything. I had myself and my dream. I had something to life and hope for.
I had my belief in love and the beauty of lifeâ€¦
Iâ€™ve never seen him ever since and I do not know what I would do if I would meet him. What do you say to someone who had lost his ability to hope and dreamâ€¦
Our roads separated and will never meet again. We headed in opposite directions and we are now worlds apart.
I still care for him and call him my friend for the sake of the times that will never return. I wish I could prove him wrong someday but until that day I still have a lot of lessons to learn and one big wish to fulfill.
I will find and understand humanity one day and I will share it to the world who has forgotten its meaning.
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